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Does Nudity In Movies Matter Anymore?

February 22, 2012

Knockers. Boobies. Tits. Canons. Mounts of Olympus. Jugs. Mounds of Joy. Ta Tas. Melons. Nipple Holders. Breasts. Lovely Lady Lumps. Baby Feeders. Bazookas. Cans. Cupcakes. Rack. Milkshakes. Hooters. Fun Bags.

Yes, young teen and pre-teen boys are so obsessed with women and their breasts that over the years we’ve come up with literally hundreds of slang phrases and variations of those phrases. That’s just how much we think about them. All the time. Non stop. It’s sad. It’s pathetic and juvenile, but the cold hard fact is that it’s also nature… and if women didn’t know that, they wouldn’t wear push up bras with low cut shirts. But that’s a rant for another blog.

Yes, our adolescent preoccupation with “boobs” doesn’t end in our teen years either. As we get older, some of us men just learn to mask and hide our genetic fixation and act more civil about it… but make no mistake about it my friends, it is still very much there and still very much alive, and any man who says otherwise is either A) Living out an alternative lifestyle, or B) LYING THROUGH HIS LYING TEETH OF LIES!!!

If you’re a woman, and you’re having a face to face conversation with a man… trust me… the moment you look away at something, he’s checking out the boob meat. A skillful man will let his eyes feast just long enough that he can get his eyes lined back up with yours just before you turn your attention back to him. In some respects, we are ninjas that way.

We aren’t objectifying you. We aren’t disrespecting you and we certainly aren’t belittling you. You simply have something we love, fixate on and are genetically driven to desire… and as kids, the only way most of us would get a chance to see the object of our desire was in movies.

Yes, for many of us, movies (not porn, just the regular ones) were our gateway, our conduit if you will to the wonderful world of nudity. Yes, the benevolent magical porn elves of the forest would sometimes leave dirty magazines around for us to find in the woods, but for the most part, regular movies held the potential to show us that thing we infatuated about the most… naked women. Yes yes yes, I understand how pathetic that sounds, but it is what it is.

I still remember my first “exposure” to a movie with nudity. I was 11 or 12 and I saw “Police Academy”. I was already in love with movies by that age because of Star Wars, but I was about to discover a whole new purpose for movies… to show me boobies! What man among us didn’t fantasize about Callahan at some point?

But now let me fast forward 20 or so years. It’s now 2008. The internet is here. As full grown men all of us have seen “boobies” in real life. Full blown porn is available to us for free… anytime… 24/7. We no longer need a Hollywood movie to provide us with images of naked women, because we can get that just about anywhere any time. And yet… we still obsess about it.

I’ll be honest, the main reason most men (including myself) had any sort of anticipation level about the new Woody Allen film “Vicky Christina Barcelona” was because we heard last year that there was going to be a threesome in it involving Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson. Just look around the interweb, and that’s the part everyone was talking about.

This week a new 80’s style comedy flick called “College” is opening up. The main draw of the film is that it promises nudity and sex (and hopefully it’ll be funny too). But the reality is that if I’m dying to look at some nudity or sex, I don’t have to wait till Friday, drive the the movie theater and pay $12 to get in to see it while surrounded by hundreds of other people. If nudity and sex are what I’m looking for, I don’t need the movies at all anymore.

So why do some of us still give any weight or importance to the idea of nudity in film as a drawing point, if nudity and sex are available 24/7? Why do some studios still rely on it as a selling point? Even kids today don’t need the magical porn elves of the forest anymore. Watching the scrambled channels late at night in hopes of a fraction of a second of clarity on a nipple is a thing of the past. I’m not talking about artistic nudity, like Viggo Mortensen in “Eastern Promises” fighting nude in the steam room. That made sense. It had a purpose other than trying to be sexually titillating. Sexually titillating scenes can also serve a purpose and the story at times when used right. No, what I’m talking about is gratuitous nudity for it’s own sake just as a selling feature. Does it matter anymore?

So let me ask you this. AND BE HONEST… we all know that the promise of nudity in a movie USED TO appeal to you a great deal, but does it anymore? Does the free availability of nudity on the web, or age or maturity negate the draw of sex in a movie for you? If it still holds some drawing power for you (I admit that it did for me a little with the “Vicky Christina Barcelona” example), why do you think that is?

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